Holidays with the living dead: How to survive zombie invasions
With 2012 famously known as the year the Mayan calendar ends, zombies increasingly making television appearances in popular series like “Game of Thrones” and, of course, “The Walking Dead,” I’m beginning to believe there might be some truth to the Mayans’ cataclysmic prediction… though I may be letting my imagination run away with me! So what would happen if a “zombie apocalypse” were upon us?
I’ve taken it upon myself to compile anti-zombie advice for five scenarios of Cosmos’s most popular 2012 destinations – with guidance from the UNDEAD (the UN special committee for the Defence Effort Against the Dead). Should such an attack truly happen, I suggest you read carefully for the best chance of loving – and surviving – your holidays.
Run for your mummy in Egypt!
Complex underground burial chambers and 3000-year-old mummies: what does that tell you? Yes, OK, it does tell you that you must see Egypt’s ancient and mysterious attractions before you die. Then again, with Luxor and the nearby Valley of the Kings joining Cairo among Egypt’s official zombie hotspots, it’s also best to take precautions if you want to complete your full bucket list.
Survival tip: Zombies tend to stagger slowly, so run fast in the opposite direction and wear a helmet to protect your braaaaaains
What if Goa was taken over by ghouls?
Palm-lined beaches and average temperatures around 30°C year round make for holiday heaven in Goa – unless, of course, it’s been overrun by the undead.
Survival tip: Bury your party in the sand and decorate yourselves in cheerful ‘sand castle’ themes for a cunning ghoul-busting disguise
Don’t get lost in Lapland!
The traditional home of Father Christmas is usually a place where dreams come true. This year, if it were overrun by zombies, it could be the site of nightmares, too, unless you take some simple measures to stay safe.
Survival tip: Due to isolated zombie sightings in Lapland, you should be careful not to leave your party when sledding or snowmobiling. Limited visibility and short daylight hours during Lapland’s polar night render travellers particularly vulnerable to zombie attacks.
Tenerife – Trouble in paradise!
Although the Canary Islands seem like they might be well defended against an international zombie crisis, Tenerife is just as likely as any other destination to succumb to the contagion.
Survival tip: With the UNDEAD alert, Tenerife resorts would be quieter than in the school holidays – so far, so great! But even if it seems a bit lonely on the beach, avoid anyone with very grey skin and wrapped in an inordinate amount of bandages – they’re very likely not tourists!
Terrified in Turkey
Turkey presents a mixed picture. With zombies spilling over from other parts of Europe, infestation would be epidemic. You’d need to head to the water where Turkey’s Mediterranean coast offers a relaxing holiday.
Survival tip: If the coastline Turkey is overrun, get away from the crowds (and the zombie contagion) by hiding in the caves in hilly Cappadocia. Be wary of vampires though!
So what do you think? Is my imagination running a bit wild here or is doomsday upon us? In any case, should it be our last, have a very happy Halloween!
P.S. Don’t forget about the Cosmos Holidays flash sale which ends at the witching hour tonight! Save £25pp extra off all holidays booked by midnight 31 October 2012.
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